Linking up with Shell at Things I Can’t Say for her Pour Your Heart Out Link Up. . .
I’m trying to stay happy and warm hearted, but honestly, I’m bitter and cold.
I’m tired of the blame falling to me, when I’ve been waiting for my reinforcements (aka husband) to come home for months.
Finally, he’s here, and I feel more stressed out than I did when I was alone.
I’m tired of winter, and there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
The snow is piled up, going nowhere – dirt sticking to it, discoloring it grey.
There’s ice everywhere – you have to be careful where you step. And as soon as it starts to melt, it goes and snows again.
And my toddler and preschooler constantly step on the ice on purpose, giving me a mini heart attack every time.
I’m trying to be compassionate and forgiving with my stressed out husband. I know he loves me, and I love him, but it is so stressy in this house, a lot of the joy is absent.
There are a zillion forms to fill out for our upcoming PCS, and we’re up against the clock to get them done as he’ll be underway for a month soon.
He’s taking this stress out on me – and I want to scream! The stress is also making it impossible for him to communicate effectively.
Which then makes everything a mess: from finances to discipline, to filling out forms and getting errands done. . . to the usual enjoyment of the day. . .
I could list examples, but then I’ll feel like I’m not being forgiving. I’m trying to let go of the resentment I have for his behavior as of late.
Jesus help me – I could say “I told you so” ten times a day . . . but I hold my tongue out of love.
I’m trying to communicate respectfully and effectively, but I don’t know how I’m doing, because his behavior isn’t much of a stable sounding board. . .
Meanwhile, Abbey is caught up in her own mind – somewhere between Wonderland and Kindergarten . . .
She’s soon to be five, and I cannot get her to understand that it really is necessary to obey those adults in her life that are taking care of her (i.e. parents, teachers, friends parents, etc).
She obeys and uses manners sporadically (and sometimes, quite consistently for a period of time) . . . but then she can also just completely disregard any and all things that are asked of her
and her explanation is “I was just running around the corner after the rabbit in the waistcoat like Alice.”
I’m trying to be a good wife and a good mother, but I feel like the only person in this house I’m clicking with lately is my little (or not so little anymore?) Joseph.
I don’t want to show favoritism, but Abbey is on my “I don’t understand her” list and Hubs is on my “I want to shake him” list. . .
So, Joseph and mommy it is. . .
taking care of Abbey and daddy, who are driving me bat shit crazy in a myriad of ways,
cleaning and cooking, and writing and working, and studying, and filling out forms. . . .
and trying to stay cheerful and love Abbey and daddy with all our hearts. . .
In this winter that just won’t end.