Why Should I Call it “Extended”?

Welcome to the November Carnival of Natural Parenting: What is natural parenting?

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our Carnival coincides with the launch of Natural Parents Network, a community of parents and parents-to-be who practice or are interested in attachment parenting and natural family living. Join us at Natural Parents Network to be informed, empowered, and inspired!

Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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As I gaze upon my sleeping two year old, passed out at naptime, I can’t help but think about how precious she is to me, and how fast she is growing. No matter what kind of morning we’ve had, or what kind of things I have lined up for my naptime chores, I always take a minute to be happy about the growth of my baby, and also about my decision to let my child wean from the breast on her own. I put away my boobs, click on her sleeping music, and leave the room, taking a final glance at her sleeping form, and I smile – knowing that my milk still keeps her healthy, strong, and happy – and that nothing can replace that benefit, as long as she still requests it from me.

Though I have never gotten a “negative” comment about my continuing to nurse Abbey past infancy, I know that my friends have some differing opinions, and they have expressed them to me in one way or another. In addition to questions or concerns about my peaceful parenting/gentle discipline techniques, some fellow moms will say things about breastfeeding like “I decided it was time to wean at 15 months… once they are moving around and playing with others, it just gets weird” – or I’ll get the genuinely well-meaning “You know, there are other ways to comfort a child.” Mostly, though, especially from those who know that I am a trained breastfeeding counselor, I’ll get questions: “If you don’t choose when she weans, will she ever wean?” or “What kind of benefits does a toddler get from breastfeeding?” as if breastfeeding is just what moms do for their infants. Recently, I have been getting the- “But you’re pregnant now! Don’t you have to stop nursing her?” Our society has just rammed into our brains over decades that there is a certain logic to the development of children that makes breastfeeding inappropriate (or even dangerous) after a certain age. But that common thought is just plain unfounded, and the facts actually disprove every angle. The wild range of ages that ordinary people quote as the appropriate “weaning age” should be our first clue that society might be wrong about so-called “extended” breastfeeding.

I hope that one day, the facts about full-term (normal-term, or child led weaning) breastfeeding practices will be common knowledge. Here are just a few of those facts, courtesy of Kellymom.com (a great site to access all sorts of timely information on breastfeeding):

In the second year of life (12 to 23 months), breastmilk provides 29% of energy requirements, 43% of protein requirements, 36% of calcium requirements, 75% of vitamin A requirements, 76% of folate requirements, 94% of vitamin B₁₂ requirements, and 60% of vitamin C requirements. (Take that, pediatricians who say there is no nutritional benefit to breastfeeding past 12 months!) (Dewey 2001)

Nursing toddlers between the ages of 16 and 30 months have been found to have fewer illnesses and illnesses of shorter duration than their non-nursing peers (Gulick 1986).

At this time no medical study has been done on the safety of breastfeeding during pregnancy so it is impossible to list any definitive contraindications. Miscarriage or pre-term labor is a common worry, but it does not appear to have a strong foundation. A recent review of research on the pregnant uterus reveals that there is actually no theoretical basis for the common concern that breastfeeding can lead to miscarriage or preterm labor in healthy pregnancies. Instead the uterus has many safeguards preventing a strong reaction to the oxytocin that breastfeeding releases. Interestingly, experts on miscarriage and preterm labor are not among those who see a potential link between breastfeeding and these pregnancy complications. Miscarriage expert Lesley Regan, PhD, MD, quoted in Adventures in Tandem Nursing, saw no reason that breastfeeding should impact pregnancy, even if the mother has a history of miscarriage or is experiencing a threatened miscarriage.

“Breastfeeding is a warm and loving way to meet the needs of toddlers and young children. It not only perks them up and energizes them; it also soothes the frustrations, bumps and bruises, and daily stresses of early childhood. In addition, nursing past infancy helps little ones make a gradual transition to childhood.

“Meeting a child’s dependency needs is the key to helping that child achieve independence. And children outgrow these needs according to their own unique timetable. Children who achieve independence at their own pace are more secure in that independence than children forced into independence prematurely.“

- Elizabeth N. Baldwin, Esq. in “Extended Breastfeeding and the Law.”

Add to that that the immunological properties of breastmilk actually appear to increase as breastfeeding continues. So toddlers (who are naturally exposed to many germs during play and socialization) are getting even more benefit from their mother’s milk than when they were infants! Isn’t your body SMART?

As I have said before, I am incredibly happy about my decision to let Abbey decide when she is done breastfeeding. My mom made the same decision with me, and I jumped off her lap and said “no thank you” at 14 months. Other children (my own included), breastfeed into their third, fourth, or even fifth year of life, and then say it’s time to move on. Some women report that as soon as their children start drinking cow’s milk, they lose interest in nursing, and there’s no more breastfeeding going on. Whichever way the transition happens, I feel that it is important to leave the decision up to your nursling, for nutritional and developmental reasons.

I sometimes feel that the decision to breastfeed full-term or practice child-led weaning is one made by only a select few really passionate moms like myself, and that somehow I am part of a small club of women who do this wonderful thing for their families. But as I have gotten more serious about blogging my passion for natural parenting and breastfeeding out into the world of information on the internet, I find more and more that this group I thought was small . . . really isn’t. There are more families practicing child led weaning then you think, more moms giving their time and love to their children, working through nursing strikes and using patience and a careful discernment when it comes to feeding practices, making full-term nursing work for their lifestyles . . . and that is a great inspiration to me. It means that more children than you think are getting the full benefit of the “best start.” Breastfeeding a child for three days is good. Breastfeeding a child through infancy is awesome. But breastfeeding into childhood and allowing your child to lead you to the stopping point is the greatest gesture you can make to provide health and well-being for your family. No weaning battles . . . no allergic reactions to cow’s milk . . . no feeling guilty for having stopped nursing too early . . . just a healthy, happy child, who has fond memories of nursing and a body packed full of immunities from it.

This is why I am proud of my position as a full-term breastfeeding mom to my two-year old, and soon to be tandem nursing (unless Abbey weans before 2 ½) mama to my toddler and newborn. And I truly hope that someday, people won’t be surprised to hear that. I hope that more and more people will start asking themselves the question: “Why call it extended?” and that someday, we won’t even have to answer that question anymore.

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Stop by Natural Parents Network today to see excerpts from everyone’s posts, and please visit a few to read more! Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants. Three of the participants below will instead be featured on Natural Parents Network throughout the month, so check back at NPN!

This list will be updated by afternoon November 9 with all the carnival links. We’ve arranged it this month according to the categories of our NPN resource pages on “What Is Natural Parenting?”

Attachment/Responsive Parenting

Attachment/responsive parenting is generally considered to include the following (descriptions/lists are not exhaustive; please follow each link to learn more):

1. PREPARE FOR PREGNANCY, BIRTH, AND PARENTING:
   • “Preparing for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting” — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes knows better now how to prepare for her second baby, focusing on attachment rather than nursery curtains. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 23. (@sheryljesin)
   • “Begin at the Beginning” — Alison at BluebirdMama examines the first type of natural parenting she experienced: birthing at home. (@BluebirdMama)

2. FEED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT:
   • “Going With the {Tandem Milk} Flow” — Despite being told she would never be able to nurse her toddler through pregnancy, Jessika at Job Description: Mommy successfully nursed through her entire pregnancy, and she continues tandem nursing her two little ones fifteen months later! (@JobDescMommy)
   • “Breastfeeding with Love and Respect” — Resisting the pressure to give up, breastfeeding was the way Dionna at NursingFreedom.org persisted in nourishing her son. (@NursingFreedom)
   • “Why Should I Call It Extended?” — Amy at Toddler In Tow provides scientifically based research to support child-led weaning.

3. RESPOND WITH SENSITIVITY:
   • “Attachment Parenting Chose Us” — For a child who is born “sensitive,” attachment parenting is more a way of life than a parenting “choice.” Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her experiences. (@CodeNameMama)
   • “Parenting in the Present” — Acacia at Be Present Mama parents naturally by being fully present.
   • “Parenting With Heart” — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment parents naturally because healthy attachments early in life help our little ones grow into healthy, functioning adults.

4. USE NURTURING TOUCH:
   • “Nurturing through touch” — Lauren at Hobo Mama finds that loving touch is a thread that runs through all her natural parenting practices. (@Hobo_Mama)

5. ENSURE SAFE SLEEP:
   • “Sometimes I Wish We Coslept” — Sheila at A Gift Universe has started to add cosleeping into her sleep routines and has found frequently unspoken benefits. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 30. (@agiftuniverse)

6. PROVIDE CONSISTENT AND LOVING CARE:
   • “Attachment Parenting . . . and Nanny Makes Three?” — When Jen at Grow with Graces first started interviewing nannies, she was looking for practicalities. After a few months with her first nanny, she’s going to hire someone new, and this time, she’ll make sure the nanny believes in AP principles. (@growwithgraces)
   • “Do You Have This?” — For Rachael at The Variegated Life, natural parenting is about love and giving, rather than the alienation and longing present in so many in our Western culture. (@RachaelNevins)
   • “What Natural Parenting Looks Like in Our Family” — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker shares what natural parenting is like as your little ones grow up.

7. PRACTICE GENTLE/POSITIVE DISCIPLINE:
   • “Unconditional Parenting” — The philosophy of Alfie Kohn resonates with Erin at Multiple Musings, who does not want to parent (or teach) using rewards and punishment. (@ErinLittle)

8. STRIVE FOR BALANCE IN PERSONAL AND FAMILY LIFE:
   • “Reducing Screen Time” — How does Mrs. H. at Fleeting Moments meaningfully connect with her kids every day? She turns off the TV.
   • Also see our October Carnival all about finding balance!

Ecological Responsibility and Love of Nature

• “Healing Through Elimination Communication Part 1” — Amy at Innate Parenting explains how practicing elimination communication has helped her whole family gain awareness and healing in many areas of their lives. (@InnateWholeness)
• “Growing Out of Little Potties” — Stacy at Mama-Om is proud to be the “weird lady” who practices elimination communication with her babies. (@mama_om)
• “Let’s Talk Diapers” — Lindsey at Mama Cum Laude started using cloth diapers because she felt they were a safer choice for her child; she stuck with them because they are convenient.

Holistic Health Practices

• “Supporting Natural Immunity” — If you have decided against the traditional vaccination schedule, Starr at Earth Mama has some helpful tips for strengthening your children’s immune systems naturally.

Natural Learning

• “Acceptance as a Key to Natural Parenting” — Because Mrs. Green at Little Green Blog values accepting and responding to her daughter’s needs, she was able to unravel the mystery of her daughter’s learning “challenges.” (@myzerowaste)
• “Let Them Look” — Betsy at Honest 2 Betsy makes time to look at, to touch, and to drool on the pinecones.
• “Why I Love Unschooling” — Unschooling isn’t just about learning for Darcel at The Mahogany Way — it is a way of life. (@MahoganyWayMama)
• “Is He Already Behind?“Ever worry that your baby or toddler is behind the curve? Danielle at born.in.japan will reassure you about the many ways your little one is learning — naturally — every day. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 16. (@borninjp)
• “How to Help Your Child through Natural Learning” — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now offers tips on how to understand and nurture your child’s natural learning style. (@DebChitwood)

Healthy Living

• “What ‘Healthy Eating’ Means to Me” — Wonder how a family of five makes healthy eating a priority? Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares some common sense tips. (@sunfrog)
• “What is Natural Parenting? Embracing Real Food” — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! has always wanted to give her children the most nutritious foods possible: first through breastfeeding, and later through healthy, whole foods. (@bfmom)

Parenting Philosophies

• “Natural Parenting — Lazy Parenting” — To Olivia at Write About Birth, natural parenting isn’t about a fixed set of ideals, but about what is instinctual. (@writeaboutbirth)
• “I’m not the most crunchy, but I’m still au naturel” — Jessica at This is Worthwhile follows her gut and parents with respect, and that’s what feels natural to her. (@tisworthwhile)
• “Because Natural comes Naturally” — Breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping — Bess at mommakesmilk does these things because they feel right. (@MumtoEve)
• “What Do You Mean ‘Natural Parenting’?” — Luschka at Diary of a First Child fell into natural parenting by listening to her baby and her own instincts. (@lvano)
• “One Little Change at a Time” — Ashley at Domestic Chaos made one small change at a time until “natural parenting” wasn’t a punchline, but a way of life. (@ashleympoland)
• “WHY Attachment Parenting?” — While they might take some work to put into practice, Momma Jorje at A Slightly Crunchy Momma finds that all of the tenets of attachment parenting fit her family.
• “Yours, Respectfully” — For Kellie at Our Mindful Life, natural parenting is about being respectful: to yourself, your children, and your surroundings.
• “The Natural Parenting Label” — Michelle at The Parent Vortex explains that natural parenting is a mindset, not a set of specific choices or a few fancy acronyms. (@TheParentVortex)
• “When Our Children Are Grown” — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children parents naturally, because she is building a firm foundation for her children.
• “What is Natural Parenting to a Witch Mom?” — Lily at Witch Mom has planned out what she wants for her son, from health to socialization to interactions with the natural world. (@lilyshahar)
• “Attachment Parenting and Our Family” — Semi-crunchy Mama at Adventures in Mommyhood takes us through the way the Baby Bs have transformed their family of four. (@crunchymamato2)
• “I’m a Mama…Naturally” — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. didn’t intend to parent naturally, but it happened by instinct.

Political and Social Activism

• “A Private Matter” — Amy at Anktangle, who is a Registered Nurse, describes her encounters with circumcision in a medical environment and why they guided her decision to leave her own baby boy intact. (@anktangle)
• “Natural Parenting, Following Our Instincts, and Keeping Our Son Intact” — Kelly at KellyNaturally went against the tide and refused to circumcise her son. (@kellynaturally)
• “Relying on Kindness” — Sure, Navelgazing Bajan at Navelgazing wants her son to be kind — but kindness is not enough. (@BlkWmnDoBF)